I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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