I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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