His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize