My room smells like vodka and shame
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think i have two assholes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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