He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
