I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
