He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
