I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
