finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
