just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
