All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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