She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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