evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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