We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
