omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
