Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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