U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
