I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
