the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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