i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
