used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
