i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
