AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
