i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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