Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
