i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
