She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
