The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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