I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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