oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
