There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
