I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize