I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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