I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
