A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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