My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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