She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
