I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
