This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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