I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
