She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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