I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
