If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
