I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
