Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
