I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize