5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
