She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
