Sponge bath it is.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
