I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
