ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
