I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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