Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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