im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
