So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
