you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
