Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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