DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
