sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
