my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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