i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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