Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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