I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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