don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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