fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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