I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
