Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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