So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
