You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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