look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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